Wednesday, 11 September 2013

ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

so it's been 9 months since my last blog post and i've had a beautiful baby! im joking as if id been doing anything that productive with my life. ive been doing a lot of coffee drinking and heavy sobbing over various musicals (how great was les mis lads?!?!) and not all that much else. i only remembered this blog the other day and it made me soso sad. this used to be my everything, the place i would come when i was sad or angry or in (what i genuinely thought to be at the time) pure eternal love, and i would use words, beautiful flowing sentences full of complex vocabulary that perfectly captured tone, and i would spend hours construting just one phrase so that it was entirely sincere and would roll of ones tongue in the most mellifluous of manners, for me words were like music that had to be carefully composed and edited and rehearsed because they conveyed something. the were conveying me. and yet despite my passion, in the last 9 months i lost my way, and i lost what i loved, and now i just feel like the girl who i once was who's priorities were just fulfilling an endless craving i had  for life and love and perfect syntax structure is completely different to the girl who i am now, as though i lost something beautiful and gained something valueless and hollow. change is a big thing for people and the last year for me turned out to be too much change to soon. its taken a good while but ultimately ive realised that i have to stop blaming other people and events for me loosing my way. i changed because it was time to. you're unlikely to get far in life if all you can do is pretty much recite a thesaurus. this time last year i was certain of what i wanted to do and who i wanted to be, i wanted to write, and writing defined me. i wanted to inspire the fourth wave of feminism, and feminism defined me. i wanted to be in love, and love defined me. but over the past year ive learnt that what you want is tempory and affected. i became engulfed in reading other peoples work and decided i could never be that good a writer, i stopped being so defensive about being a woman in the 21st centuray and decided i may as well be the kind of girl i hated, i stopped looking for love, and thats because i decided it just didnt exist. i started doing impulsive things that the old me would have frowned upon and fuck it if i didnt have some of the best nights of my entire life. i still dont know who i am and how i work it out, but i miss who i used to be. im just not motivated like i used to be and its kinda sad. but i'll keep pushing on cos whats the worst that can happen. #yolo #lol

basically to bring what i was saying to some kind of conclusion, or at least to explain why i poured my heart out to this specific internet void, what im trying to say is just because you're not who you thought you would be, or even the person you hoped you would, the reason you're the way you are right now because you're meant to be that way, as long as you're surviving, you're a success.

Tuesday, 14 August 2012

Turn your back on page 3

As most of you will know by now, I do enjoy a wee bit of feminism (a lot. i am a feminist is what i'm saying), my personal disgust at the casual approach to sexism within society is beautifully argued by the  amazing people behind a campaign called 'Turn Your Back On Page 3', it is one of the first campaigns to draw attention to the massively sexist ethos that governs the british media, not only the obvious objectification of the Page 3 girls being in everyday circulation, but also the general archaic patriarchal form of the press. It's absolutely disgusting and TYBOPT is the kick we need to realise that. Surely we can all see why half naked women is wrong in an everyday paper. Not only is it objectifying women and giving young girls appalling ideals and young boys disgusting morals, but it shows exactly who the sun thinks their readership is, it's males, it's always males. Can a woman not pick up a paper? Does being female mean you can't read? No, but The Sun makes it obvious women aren't welcomed to read their shoddy excuse for toilet roll. Until we start seeing half naked men in a top selling newspaper, there will be no equality, and even then there is the issue of a disgustingly over sexualised society in which we find it acceptable to circulate, what is in affect pornography, so freely that children can see it. All papers like The Sun and magazines like 'Nuts' (the mere thought of which makes me want to scratch out my own eyeballs) are doing is advertising the sexist ideal, showing boys and men and even women that all women are good for is sex. It's just so so so wrong. Every time you pick up Page 3 or Porn think about how you would feel if that was your daughter or your sister or your bestfriend that people were leering at and your idea of it might change. The Sun is the highest circulating newspaper in the uk, just think about that. A newspaper glorifying the objectification of women is the highest circulating paper in this 'great nation'. We're a nation that pride ourselves on equality and yet the highest circulating paper is fundamentally sexist. This is wrong. This is just so wrong, and yet it's barely even questioned. I cannot express all my disappointment in society over one blog post so I urge you to hear it from the creators, head over to Turn Your Back On Page 3 on facebook and join the struggle against the testosterone fuelled media giants and take a fucking stand. Because let's be honest, it's about bloody time we did.

i will not apologie for my pop happiness

yeah it's odd for me to do two blogs so close together, it's just i felt a lot of hate over that Nicki Minaj number and i felt i had to bring back some respectability PLEASE LIKE ME AGAIN. however i do stand by what i said your mean emails will not change my mind, (yes i mean you peter (whoever you are)), i understand there are other opinions in the world and mine are rarely correct. however no amount of hate will make me change my mind about anything. even when im wrong im stubborn and narrow minded and it's not something im proud of but i will never change. so fuck you i like nicki minaj, i also like the wanted and occasionally one direction, i feel that me and tinie tempah are connected on a deeper level and my main life goal is to touch labarinth inappropriately. but i literally can not possibly comprehend what impact that could have on your life.. so get out of your own arse and who knows you might actually have some fun in the dance tent at what ever pretentious organic festival you're off to this weekend.


bitchez out

x

Friday, 10 August 2012

bad bitches like Minaj be hard to come by..

So like Nicki Minaj is a big thing. If any single one of you tries to tell me you can stop yourself from dancing to starships you are a liar. A dirty dirty liar. Starships is in theory another pop/dance short lived club track, but let's be honest, it's one of the best at the moment. Musically it's a great song, the rise and fall, the simple time structure and filthy beat is so rewarding, it's literally infectious. And yeah the lyrics are ridiculously stupid but shut the fuck up are you honestly trying to tell me "i didn't pay my rent last month, I owe that" makes less sense than "i am the eggman. i am the walrus", or it's less easy to identity with? In truth it is another manufactured club culture song with no real emotion but fucking hell it's fabulous. I personally think Nicki minaj is extremely talented, and to be honest i massively respect her. Yes, she may be completely fake, (let's be honest where in the world did she get that bum? because I want one) but she's one of the realest out there, she's a bitch and she accepts that, and i think it's healthy for young girls to see a woman who is proud of having a massive arse and does actually look different to the masses of stick thin objects of the testosterone fuelled labels who just want to sell female artists as sex sex sex. Minaj completely owns her sexuality, she uses it because she wants to, it gives her power rather than makes her powerless and that deserves so much respect. I'm glad someone is showing young girls they can dress how ever the fuck they want and do what ever the fuck they want even if it's mad and still be successful. "so fuck who you want. fuck who you like" while yes essentially both sentences mean the same thing just phrased differently, it's a valuable point, why cant women just go around fucking whoever they want like men do? It's just madness, so yeah, while i might not be Minaj's number one music fan i have the highest respect for her. And also starships is siiiiiiiiick in da club.  










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Sunday, 8 July 2012

shit's getting deep up in here

Hello my babies, I have this theory, not a big crazy one that's going to change the world or anything, not like the blank slate theory or that evolution thing (possibly the only two theories I know and evolution may not be a theory) But I think that the reason we like certain music is because we connect it  with certain people and feelings, and music's not just about the sounds, it's about who we are and who made us into that person. So I thought I should share my main personality making tunes with you all, and then you'll know who I am, In a way that knowing my entire life story wouldn't tell you.

The first song is probably my earliest song memory/any memory. Song 2 by Blur, I just remember everyday by dad would come home from work and put it on and me and him would dance around the kitchen to it, i can't have been older than 3 but I remember it so strongly. It will be how I remember me and my dads relationship for ever and nothing could taint that image in my mind.

Second song is Can't Stop by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, when we moved into our new house, when I was 6,  my mum put it on and we just danced around as our little family, so perfectly happy and complete. Another song that reminds me of my perfect little family is There She Goes by The La's but i dont know why..

Semisonic- Secret Smile: Even just listening to the like 1 second intro gets me feeling tearful. When we were little my mum used to say it was a song written about my sister, and it became one of the most important songs to my life because it pretty much defines everything i care about, but the sort of sadness to the song really just breaks me because i cant live without her but i know i have to.

Lou Reed- Perfect Day: I was about 13 at a wedding and the harshness of the world hadn't broken me yet, It was the first dance and I remember thinking this is beautiful, this man is so dependent on the person he loves, this is how i want to feel about someone one day. A couple of years later I realised it was about heroin it was the same time when everything started falling apart and I just remember thinking, this is it, this is all there is, everything is corrupt, everything is wrong.

More cheery however, is friday i'm in love by The Cure, it's been there always but like last year it properly hit me, as with love cats too, but I was in the midst of being ecstatically in stupid state that i believed to be love but turned out to actually just be a sugar high that lasted about 2 weeks.. but the song reminds me of being happy and thats enough.

Love Will Tear Us Apart-Joy Division: it just brings back all these blurry memories of crazy nights and sort of makes me despise the person that I am now, and miss the innocence i used to have, it's like the most miserable lyrics and tone but with such upbeat synth the conflict within it's self defines me. On a similar note Let's Dance To Joy Division by The Wombats is the song the reminds me i'm happy, naturally i'm happy, it's like the opposite of Love Will because it reminds me i'm the same happy bean i was when i was dancing around the kitchen with my dad.

Finally, hoping I haven't bored you, Disco 2000 by Pulp is one I cant put into words, but it's everything. From the intro until about an hour after the songs ended i get this over whelming feeling, i don't know what the feeling is but i know it fills me up.

And I won't talk about the Smiths because I refuse to give Morrissey credit for my brilliance, (he's such a vegetarian hoe) although Irish blood English heart, just saying I've got a passport from both.

Thursday, 24 May 2012

the futures bright the futures green.

For my sisters birthday I got us tickets to pro green in brixton. I'm the best sister ever and ever. Give me a prize! Nay! Give me three! I deserve them all! I deserve all the prizes in the world! Make me god!  May have got a little carried away there.. So anyway we totally went earlier this month, an he fucking killed it. It was honestly one of the best gigs i've ever been to, it was long to get to brixton but it was so worth it. Pro green was in his ELEMENT. We totally made eye contact at one point and now we're in love. Getting married soon and you're all invited. But he actually was so great, in my opinion he's a genius, his lyrics can range witty and assuming to painfully true and painful and he does it all with such charisma it kills me. and could he BE more cute. And I love the millie and pro green relationship, he came out in a top that said made in hackney at one point, I wanted to cry. I nearly did cry at one point actually, in the middle of read all about it I was just so overcome with emotion I tried to get words out and I ended up just making this muffled screamy noise like 'aggrhhhaghhhh' it was really something. Also I know i'm gonna get a lot of hate for this but the pixies song 'where is my mind' is shit compared to professor greens cover spinning out. like it's a whole different song or something. The man who was warming up the crowd before professor green came on was on it man. manz was on a jay-z hype. bitches love that shit you know. It was a good night you know, my main favvy pro green tune is probably upper clapton dance but oh my god is a tune. The new album is sick but he's kind of on a fan hate ting, like doll is literally just him like i hate my fans i hate fame, but he totally pulls it off, it's not pretentious at all because it feels so real and true and he's Professor Green, he could never be pretentious. The reason I love Upper Clapton Dance so much is the background music, It's Brahms Hungarian dance, which is really a brilliant piece of classical music, because it captures emotion so well, it coveys a mood, and that with the lyrical wonders of pro green is an amaaaaazing mix, it's a mix of two genres of music that rarely get mixed, which I really think conveys the message of a lot of professor greens work when he talks about his success compared to his upbringing, it also emphasises a class divide that is still prominent in society today. I think he's a lot deeper than we all realise tbh. I cannot express how much respect I have for him using Brahms. love Brahms. mm Brahms. 


catch you later losers 


x

Sunday, 11 March 2012

'I was in the 212 you know what’s up or don’t you?' No, I don't to be honest.

So Azealia Banks is like omg totes killing the proverbial object with her super kool chune 212 isn't she omg omg? No. Just no. Don't even come to my table of music with this obscenity. And yes, the word obscenity is entirely fitting. You can't just say loads of swear words and expect that alone to make you controversial and cool. That's not how it works. You have to have an aspect of talent.. If i'm telling the truth I think the amount of swearing in her song actually makes it tiresome, you can't be expecting to keep good company with vocabulary like that. However the ultimately awfully worst bad thing about her is the fucking plaits in that video. For jesus sake four plaits was barely cool in year three. No self respecting person would have four plaits. It's like a crime or something. ugh feeling physically sick just thinking about it. If I ever actually see someone with four plaits I might just vom on their face, im not even joking. ugh. 




Something I really want to share with you guy's is some really emotional lyrics of my current favourite song. It's really helped me through a dark place and I feel it could do the same for you, they're so touching and maybe even life changing if your open minded enough:


" 'rat a tat tat'  
'who is that?' 
'only grandmas pussy cat' 
'what do you want?' 
'a pint of milk' 
'where's your money?'
'in my pocket' 
'where's your pocket?'
'i forgot it' 
'what on earth's the use of that oh you silly kittycat?' "




So confident in the knowledge that I've just changed your life for the better, I bid you adieu








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